Archive for the ‘ Widower ’ Category
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
Psalm 68:5 NIV
Are you an orphan or widow (or widower? Just have an absentee or abusive father or husband (or mother or wife)?
God loves you and wants to care for you. Lean in to Him.
My mom said to get the Wisdom of God, so start with some of the thoughts found at Proverbial Thought!
Last week, Jesus gave my mom a great big hug and took her Home, one day after her 53rd birthday. The amazing thing is how much joy and love for God was experienced and expressed throughout her final days.
It is hard to stay upset when someone on her way out stresses the importance of our Lord being glorified in the middle of everything.
It was my honor this past Saturday to share about my mom at her Celebration of Life service. I am sharing it with you … plus the last bit I knew I would not be able to say in that moment!
I remember telling my parents when I was a child that I wanted to be just like them when I grew up … only better.
When I first became a Christian, my mom was afraid I had joined a cult, but she could not deny the change in my life.
James 4:6 says, “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’” My mom’s response was “Well, I guess I’ll never get grace!”
However, she had a lot of questions, and within a year of my coming to Christ, my parents did to. But mom just asked more questions. As [Pastors] Todd and Scott can attest, she always had questions. Sometimes there were full arguments over Scripture and Christian life. She would often come to me, call me, or message me in some fashion asking if she was sinning for doubting and questioning so many things that came her way.
First, I would remind her that many people doubted, including the Apostle Thomas, and He is a pillar of the Church! And I would always respond with 1 Thessalonians 5:21, “Test everything; hold onto the good.”
Back to James 4, in verses 7-8, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
As a new Christian, I often wondered why more people would not help out as much as I did as a new believer. When my parents finally started following Jesus, there was no stopping them! Ask anyone: they dived in head first, helping out everywhere they could.
But my mom had compassion and love for others. She had raised me to not judge anyone, not for any reason, no matter what they looked like, no matter what they acted like. She certainly lived out 1 Samuel 16:7, which says “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Many of you here know how true this is. How many co-workers, youth, and others did she reach with her love and compassion? She very easily lived out 1 Corinthians 9:22, I will just read it: “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.” She struggled through her doubts so that with compassion and love she could help others struggle through their doubts that others might be saved.
She learned to live out James 4:9, to “[become] wretched and mourn and weep. [And to] Let [her] laughter be turned to mourning and [her] joy to gloom” so that others would come to know the same Savior she knows.
And as verse 10 says, she learned to “Humble [herself] before the Lord, and [she is exalted].” I think needing to be moved to a larger hospital room to fit all of the guests, and the people sitting here and lining the halls attests to, she has been exalted. And for all of us who know Jesus, we will one Glorious Day see her again.
[What I would have said, but had written down]
My parents have been through many fires and trials in life, and they have grown to live Jude, verses 20-23, “But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.“
My parents have made it very difficult to do life better than them. I just look forward to that Glorious Day when we all get to reunite with our Lord and remember all of our stories together.
I meant to post this earlier, but some sort of a spambot thing got to me through the blog. I took time to make sure my computer and those I communicate with would be safe!
In this little series on Valentine’s Day, I have looked at the history of the holiday, what it means for singles, and also for couples. What about that difficult issue of those who are no longer married?
Why is it difficult?
Too many this is obvious: Divorce and Death. One is considered a sin and the other too painful to consider for most (and sometimes both can have swapped meanings or even both).
I will not get into the topic of the obvious sins of divorce or murder, but I will mention that Genesis (not the band) and Jesus both talk about becoming one flesh not getting a divorce. I think, for most people who might stumble across this blog, these are understood. I also have a feeling I will blog about this in the future.
When it comes to divorce, I can not and will not judge. As Jesus mentioned in Mark 10, no man should separate and marrying a divorceѐ is considered adultery. So is lusting. I am guilty of adultery.
When it comes to the widowed, my heart goes out to you, but I obviously do not truly understand. You were one flesh, so it is as if you lost half of yourself. I do not want to imagine losing my wonderful wife, so I cannot completely feel your pain. C. S. Lewis helped me with A Grief Observed, but again, I cannot fathom that pain right now.
For starters, if you have been through a divorce or lost a spouse, all of the points I discussed in the previous posts apply.
I think Paul explained things best in 1 Timothy 5 (and I think that it applies to divorcees as well as those who are widowed, male and female) (Taken from the NIV):
3 Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. 5 The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. 6 But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. 7 Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. 8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
9 No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, 10 and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.
11 As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. 12 Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. 13 Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to. 14 So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. 15 Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.
16 If any woman who is a believer has widows in her care, she should continue to help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need.
I think some advice my own lovely mother gave this past week applies perfectly:
My husband and I kept it very simple, but shared the evening with our bible study group doing a shared dinner. Yes I bought pink table cloths and red napkins at the dollar store and put candles and hershey kisses down the center of the table. However the fun was sharing a holiday with friends!
My suggestion for next year for singles and couples alike…spend the day being like Jesus… let everyone you know how blessed you are to have each and every one of them in your life! A simple note, a helping hand, and hug and a Thank you! I’m sure most people would be surprised to discover how many people would return the “love”.
If we could all focus on what we can give and not what we get…we would be far richer and happier than what money can buy!!
I think there are some people in this world who have this figured out (and for the record, I had no idea what my parents did for Valentine’s Day until she made this comment).
Valentine’s Day is a day to honor a man who honored God, so maybe that should be our example, eh?
If we know each other, you should know how much I truly love you. Not in the mushy, lovey-dovey way, but in the “I would do anything for you … even if I am not happy with you at this moment or you are my favorite person” kind of a way. Seriously, you are my family, because even if we are not related by birth many of us are related by Christ’s blood!
If we do not know each other, believe it or not I still love you! Why? Firstly because God loved you and me first. Secondly, I love you because I remember the need to be loved.
Single, dating, married, divorced, widowed, whatever, we are all in this together. In Christ we are empowered, so naturally I encourage all to follow Him. Either way, life is better when we do it together. Remember that. Not only Valentine’s Day but always.
I love you.
God loves you.
a simple man of God 